Angels and Demons at My Work Centre

Mr. Sleepyeyes(sweating profusely): Sir, I can hear a screeching ear breaking sound opposite my cabin. The sound was unbearable for the field operator to sleep at night. He just ran towards the control room to inform my colleague Birbal.

Birbal(in a non chalant manner):Let me get it checked by Mr. Khan

Mr.Khan is our sincere field operator(a rare gem among GOONS)

Me(anxious): Do it fast. It seems something horrible has happened. I hope the leakage is not major(optimism is important when you have no clue about the extent of disaster)

Birbal immediately directs Mr.Khan to check the status.Meanwhile, he also informs our innocent Incharge. 

10 tense minutes

Mr Khan:Sir,there is a major leakage at the top of the column.

Innocent Incharge immediately informs the big boss. It is in moments of crisis that real character of a man comes out and it came out in not so beautiful way that eerie night. Big Boss casually instructs us to take action. Meanwhile, he sleeps in his guest house. Leadership Redefined.Don’t go gentle on a long night,they say.Yet,our big boss went indifferent on a crisis night.

Task at hand was extremely risky.Isolating the valve at the top of the column in the middle of the night with poisonous gas gushing out at 20 kg pressure,needed a man of guts or rather men of guts.Mr.Khan and Birbal had every inch of it.Birbal shutsdown the unit and started reducing the pressure.He takes 2 face masks along with oxygen cylinder to the unit.

Attempt 1:Birbal along with Mr. Khan show unseen courage in climbing the column. Climbing up the column is not an easy task. You need to climb series of monkey ladders and carry all the safety equipment along. Evading Eagle attack, braving cold winds and ever-expanding poisonous gases, both the unsung heroes finally managed to reach the top. Sound was unbearable.Poisonous gas was lashing out at blinding speed.Mr.Khan vomited and fainted.Entire episode was seen by CCTV camera by rest of our squad.Birbal rescued him and brought him down. Meanwhile, our Bigboss was still sleeping in his cozy bed. May God bless him with some accountability.

Birbal returned to control room,hardly breathing and said in a panicky voice ” It`s impossible to breathe there and sound is deafening”.Our innocent incharge listened to him attentively and immediately instructed me to take over the reign.I had just come back from a long overseas flight this morning and was suffering from jetlag. Yet, not many are lucky enough to get a chance to be a hero and I was chosen to be one even if it means risking my life.

Our Team waited till the pressure reduced to 6kg .It was a long 1.5 hrs wait.Our minds were filled with doubts,anxiety and fear.What if the line completely falls off,it may cause a major fire.All it needed was a spark so we prayed earnestly.

After tense 1.5 hrs,me Mr. Birbal and our Innocent charge set about to complete the mission.Moments like these are registered in your mind forever because you know who stood up and who betrayed.Real character of a man is tested in adversity.Testing times ahead.Mr.Khan joined us at the deadly site.Task was simple,climb up the 43 m high column while evading bird attack,poisonous gases,irresistible sound and scary unsteady monkey ladders.I took the lead with Mr. Khan behind and Birbal as support with torch,oxygen cylinder and Walkie Talkie.

I love adventures but this was indeed a scary one.Anything could have happened.

Attempt 2:Me and Mr.Khan carefully climbed up the ladder,carrying all safety equipment in one hand.It was an arduous task.Sheer will and commitment to save our unit helped us reach the top.Poisonous gases was rushing out at maddening pace.Mr.khan took his valve key and started closing the valve.Gas was coming straight to his face.He got pushed away once due to the immense force.He valiantly battled on.Meanwhile I opened the other valve to release the pressure.

Stakes were high, pressure was intense and still our abysmal management slept in ignorance.

I along with Mr.khan successfully arrested the leakage.Every second was being minutely watched on CCTV by our remaining crew.It was moment of pride mixed with satisfaction and relief as we descended down the column.It was indeed a triumph of human spirit. Tough times are a great indicator of humans, you can easily recognize cowards in your team. Perceived silent ones turn out to be real Heroes. It was a success and failure in equal degrees.

My only advice to Big boss would be:

Don`t go under the blanket on a disastrous night.

Nobody is born a criminal

As Oscar Wilde once said”Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go”

Inspired by famous comedian and social commentator George Carlin, I have compiled my own list of sapiens who deserve to die.Don’t get me wrong, I am a kind man and I love humans.But when certain species test you in ways beyond your limit, even a kind man is forced to turn into a serial killer.”Nobody is born a criminal”.So, Hold your breath, sit back and enjoy my list of sapiens who deserve to die.May be you can identify yourself in this.

These are species found in large number across all continents.Killing them could potentially solve perennial population problem and reduce irritability level to a minimum.Yes, I am talking about hashtag people.You can usually find them on social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and twitter.Whether they are yawning, walking, sleeping, eating, traveling or even waiting for Boeing 747, the first thing they do is take an ugly photograph, add a million adjectives before and after hashtags, pretend to enjoy the moment (which has already passed )because they were busy building their hashtags.Their happiness increases with a number of likes on their hashtags.There should be an amendment in social media rules to ban folks who use a threshold number of hashtags.The government should start taxing them for extra hashtags.This will bring back peace and harmony in the society.

Next, there are species who lose their minds and senses when they start getting green dollars.Yes, I am talking about folks that intentionally increase their car speed to drench you in obnoxious mud on a rainy day. The darkest places in hell are reserved for these species.They are not in such a large amount as hashtag sapiens but still a significant number.Trust me, I am a kind person.

Next, There are those who drag you into a conversation and don’t leave you till eternity.These species are found all over the world.You just have to find a way to avoid them.But if you are unlucky and stupid like me, chances are that you would meet them on a regular basis.They will tell you every uninteresting rather obvious facts about themselves and their family.They don’t leave you till you find an ingenious or rather obvious excuse to escape.That’s when I think if humans could fly or become invisible, lots of problems of this world could be solved and this would be a peaceful haven.

Next, there are those who force you into watching TV series because they were bedazzled by it for some reason.”I almost stopped breathing after watching that scene, Don’t be a loser, start watching this bullshit.It is awesome”, said one of my stupid friend.I know it’s sort of harsh to kill these folks unless you have actually gone and spend 10-12 hours watching that series and felt awful.

Next, there are those who are obsessed with themselves.”I am alive, let’s click an ugly photo of my own self and hashtag it”.Yes, they are the most lethal species: narcissist with a hashtag.These special genes deserve the worst level of capital punishment.These species wander everywhere clicking their own photos.#selflove.

I don’t understand self-love, it’s a no brainer, of course, you love yourself that’s why you have not killed yourself(taken from Louis C.K stand up special, Sorry Louis but  I loved those lines).Love is something that you give to others.”I love myself” is total bullshit in my opinion(please don’t ban me Authors of self-love revolution)

Next, there are those who give you a million reasons to try the chocolate cake in Colaba or jump from a cliff in Himachal.Yes, these creatures are mostly seen over the internet telling you the exact number of ways you can use to magically transform your life.For these folks I have only one advice: find out a million ways to breathe or live life a certain way but keep it to yourself and test on yourself only.Do not mislead innocent people into believing that there are only finite number of ways to enjoy life.

Finally, there are some special species with really annoying behaviors.I call them pretentious dead walkers as they give you dead handshakes with a poker face look when they meet you in person (as if they are obliged to).There is only one message for them:”Stop pretending, Don’t do it if you don’t mean to”.

Let me remind you once again, I am a kind person but these species have turned me into a potential serial killer.Getting rid of them could potentially solve most of the world`s problems.Yes, even global warming(as hashtag species are in huge number).I have given you enough reasons.So enjoy and wish you a happy killing season.

Thank you