‘It was the best of times, It was the worst of times’ said Dickens in not so recent history .As I step outside my black bold archaic gate into this vociferous vulnerable vile environment. Everyday is a battle, yet my longing heart hopelessly searches for another novel breeze but all I see is gloomy glorified mask covered caricatures. I feel I am playing a video game just this time, Mario in me ain’t that brave as the Nintendo one nor I can jump in those crazy clergy bounds.
I watch Lala as he gives a wry smile from his half covered napkin turned mask. Then as I approach a recently converted Covid hospital on my way, an uninterested watchman reads inevitably depressing news on his borrowed brown paper. Yet, he felt content to be alive.May be, we all are. Even this girl who just went past me in her Hercules cycle wearing a designer dock mask. Strange times calls for better luck but I usually get any as I stumble upon 67 years old wrinkle faced uncle on my way to battleground. “Hello, Uncle”, I greet him in not so spontaneous manner “Can you give this medical bill in office” he asks in not that polite demeanor.
Then,without giving any clear warnings,he went about complaining on how he doesnt approve of his son’s second marriage and how he cannot afford to waste a rupee on taking printouts.I listened with patience and at the same time prayed in silence that my bus driver shows up his schumacher skills and reaches my place in no time.Time is such a funny thing yet extremely painful at times.I looked at that tame figure and wondered what life he must have lived.
They say “real character of a man is determined by how he behaves with older people”, but trust me or just face him. It hasn’t been easy at all and he usually meets me at this time to narrate his usual adventures of saving every penny and straightening up his gangster son.
Beeep,Beeep.Oh that sound felt like symphony to my ears.My Bold Bus driver Rajkumar,arrived 2 minuted early today.I greet him with a sense of relief on my face like a prisoner who has been released on bail for a crime he has no clue of.
As I make another unsuccessful attempt to take a peaceful nap,I hear a not so poignant apoetic voice reverberating in my soul.Do employees don’t understand public behavior,the man behind seems to have lost his last cell of sanity and is mindlessly breaking my head with his virgin vain voice.
He seems to be throwing barrage of not so beautiful words to an unlucky one on the other side.I can’t even say anything to Bapu.
I remember old times,when I tried to bring some sense to his madness,he almost ran a bus over and then threatened with a stick.But still as Brutus says,Bapu ji is an honorable man and I,an ignorant fool.
After surviving his bullets of words,I managed to find some solace in my playlist.
I inevitably reached the gate of Fortune unfortunate company.
Bewildered half sleeping belly show stopper,my precious Security man makes an unsuccessful attempt to check my temperature from a device that always shows the same value.As I sense my storky surroundings filled with air of ignorance,insanity and intolerance,I bravely cross the border.
Sappy:Hello sir,Today I saw a snake shed his skin and walk away.
Me(in not so surprised tone):Was it in our lpg unit?
After what has happened in my LPG unit over past few weeks, a snake shedding his skin seemed like any other frivolous and funny event.
I carefully walk to avoid alligators and snake,but I know I will inevitable meet one,once I reach office.
Note:All reference to any creature does intend to hurt both man and the creature.
I almost trip over a well placed rusted grating on my way to my darling den.
I see kaka bringing tea in his usual amicable demeanor. I smile, he smiles and we walk past each other. There are many smile relationships I have developed in my life and I totally love it as I need not speak and there is no conflict.Sometimes,I feel,language has created more problems than it has solved and man has created language.
I sit on my half broken chair and stare curiously at the pyramid of non essential documents.I drink my super immune fluid and smile at the eternal idiosyncrasies of my space.I almost complete a breathe to see Rocky waiting with half torn white paper in his hand.
Rocky:Sir,I have to get sign for the work.
Me:But We don’t have fireman today.
Rocky(in shameless tone):We will do it with utmost safety sir.
Rocky shows no sign of remorse in uttering these syllables. Rocky’s Team specializes in creating glorious Diwali lights scene whenever they undertake any welding job. To listen safety from this innocent evil`s mouth was an insult to the man/woman or whosever created this term.
As Rocky leaves,Prasad enters.There are more memes on Prasad than Donald Trump. Dull Damaged Bathroom Slippers reflects his commitment to minimalism, mockery and stupidity.
Me:You Stay out,I will meet you in the field.
Prasad:Sir,I need a sign
This surely wasn’t a good sign.This work,these characters and on top of that we have Prasad. A Proud Maratha who plays more with welding torch light than a mighty Sword.But then his work kills my Soul.I reminded him again after taking few voluntary breathes.
In unabashed glittering suit, enters our Chhota Don:Chintu.I wish, I could play some music or drums to welcome this infamous man. But then, his usual unabashed voice aren`t music to my sensitive ears.
Chintu:I need a Crane Permit
Me(in a suspicious tone):What did you do last time you had one? You remember right?
I simply cant forget how poetically he broke the nozzle of an exchanger on a scorching Sunday Noon and vanished in polluted air when called to custody.
Me(in an affirmative tone):I will talk to Transport and Wear a N95 next time you enter.
I get up to change my costume from mysterious casual attire to Communal Orange Boiler Dirt Suit. I skip few breathes to check on my lungs, gulp my antibody shake and raise my brow only to witness another imminent disaster.
An Army of barely uncovered unmasked men waiting with permits in their filthy hand.
I politely request them to assert themselves one by one towards the podium. This is a Race I do not want to see.
Before this even begins ,I get another call from Big Boss.
Big Boss: Did the unit start? Coordinate and do it.
I simply have utmost honest hate towards this word: Coordinate. It is such an overused delusional concept just like efficiency or society or Democracy.
Me(frivolous attempt to act serious):Yes sir,I will.
Now, begins another circus of finding rare ravines in my workplace who may be willing to help me with this task. Or in other words :Coordinate.
A journey of million idiosyncrasies begins with a harmless one.
First time I saw her,she stunned me with her animation filled perfect presentation Poise,purpose and a true sensation A riveting one,standing ovation
Unaffected by applause,she silently learns Yet when on stage,her confidence returns A consistent team player with a magical delivery Outstanding organiser with a humble heart Selfless approach,sets her apart Let her undying enthusiasm never part
A text away from solving your problem You don’t need Christ,you have Jamie’s attention Like any masterpiece,her work speaks for itself Flawless,fantastic and fearless way In your heart,she will forever stay Introvert by nature,extrovert by action I am mesmerised by her eternal passion
“This is vibrating like Hell, we may fall off anytime”, I said with terror in my bewildered eyes.
“Yeah, if it matches our resonant frequency” said Abhinav in a cool callous demeanor.
This idea stemmed from a shaky start ,we both were stuck at a working platform vibrating at frequencies faster than our heart beat. An idea that how we are instantly attracted to some people and hope others simply vanish in front of our eyes is worth examining. Is there any meaningful relationship between connection and frequencies.
I wish there was a mathematical equation that defined who will get connected to whom. We live in a non-Hogwartian world and we know most folks we meet on the road fall out of frequency with us. Yet, there are few that instantly get connected. Can we increase the connection frequency or simply rule out out of zone personalities? Can we expand our personality so that we can connect with more than few? These questions always put me in perpetual dilemma about what is true connection? Is getting a resonant frequency just coincidental or can this be achieved by directional effort?
Yet, how can we connect with everyone with same frequency. There are over 7 billion distinct maniacs unlike us, floating in this vast expanse of delusion and desire. I wish, I can create an App, that instantly tells your level of connection with fellow being. Yet, in this seemingly ordered sane world, we find ourselves lost in this battle of finding perfect frequency people(pfp).
I look outside and see a man teaching morse code to a dog.May be,that`s an interesting man I can connect with or may be I am going out of range in terms of my sane frequency. I walk further and see a girl taking a short break from her cycling and with a smile on her face rejoicing the moment with her fellow sapien about how playing with children was refreshing. Another case of interesting being yet I still can`t find relevant frequency to connect.
I look further and find a crazy man mumbling to himself, I look no further. I sit down in a nearby park and scribble down my dumb idea of connecting people with equations. I look for an equation that can be applied to everyone from: The king to a beggar from the sane to insane from boring to super-boring. After hours of brainstorming and frustration, came my eureka moment. That golden equation to connect people with numbers. Hold your breath, vodka or ego or whatever you are clutching onto. Check if you have corona, laugh at your neighbor and then scroll down the page.
Mighty equation that will shake this world:
Frequency of connect(Fc) =comfortable silence in minutes*mutual love and hatred*same sense of humor*curiosity in related subjects * honesty in conversation.*pure randomness
Out of 7 tricky terms, honesty in conversation is the most important one. Look for this sign, whenever you are finding your resonance. If you find this, then look for curiosity part then go for sense of humor then…I hope you get it. Weightage of this mighty equation increases with each term. Except the last one: pure randomness-It just happens.
Good luck on finding perfect resonant matches in your life. Until then keep exploring muggles, maniacs and jugheads and do not forget to apply Frequency of Connect equation next time, you say ‘Hi’ to someone.
“Don’t eat that Himalayan Salt Lamp”,I pleaded in desperation,exasperation with pulses of perspiration.Just like my bluetooth device,she simply refused to respond.Just another normal day in my life where my wife felt like eating salt lamp will save her time and energy to get up from bed.The Ingenious oriental Salt lamp,normal day and my wonderful wife. Readers of the day,fellow non-relatables and my vigilant secret judges,let me take you in my weird world filled with pockets of idiosyncrasies,misadventure and occasional normalcy.
3 things have always given me perplexing paranoia:dealing with my bluetooth head-set, wearing a mask in Mumbai and conversations with my wonderful wife.Yes,even I was surprised by how similar these 3 are in my life.My Eureka moment came in the year 2020 when I decided to buy a bluetooth device,get married and then oh! the pandemic happened and I had to wear a mask to go to work in this wonderful humid mood of my city.2020 continues to surprise me but not comparable to my wife`s antics like gaining immunity from eating salt lamp.Another beautiful thing about my salt lamp is not only the fact that it is my wife`s favorite breakfast but it is originally mined from a place in Pakistan. Interestingly, it was bought to bring peace in my room but now it is melting into pieces.
Mask is one of the most revolutionary movement that has happened,not only does it stop my breathing just like my wife, it also makes my ear grow if I put it on for long.And just like my wife and my government,mask doesn`t allow me to speak freely and people say its safe to wear mask(not sure about getting married). Even I am baffled by the similarity that cropped up everytime I think about mask, bluetooth and my beautiful wife.
Marriage is like bluetooth device,looks fancy from outside but as time expands,you realise it takes lots of efforts to make it work and sometimes not so funny thing is,you lose your vibrant voice as I did when I bought this bewilderingly confusing bluetooth headset after consulting my expert wife.I admire your bravery if you have ever got married and then bought bewildering bluetooth headset and spoken loudly.
On taking a harder look,I did manage to find some defining differences though.Unlike bluetooth device that only works within 10-12 m distance,staying miles away from your wife helps a ton.Yes,mask does support you and bluetooth helps you connect but when weather turns strange and connection falters,your level of comfort falls back to panicky comical state.Just like in marriage
Everytime,I wear a mask,talk to my wife and play around with my faltering bluetooth,I am reminded of this inspiring quote:”what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger” and I keep going strong with my 3 marvelous musketeers.
Another normal day in my life,as I look grimly at my non-functional himalayan salt lamp, half eaten lavishly by my better half,melting away slowly as is my hope for another peaceful day.
Pandemic has drastically changed the world,men & women moving around in mask and I am still searching for a perfect one.Oh No,not woman! a perfect mask .After doing extensive research on google:I decided to buy valve type mask in bulk:the day it arrived, government declared it illegal(just like 500 rupees notes).Just like my bluetooth headset and my wife`s mindset,I fail to understand such tragical comical unpredictable turn of events.Yet,another day vanishes,I happily plug in my bluetooth,put on my valve -less mask and fearlessly move out to catch a breath.
Just when it seemed things were returning to normalcy,my bluetooth device again refuse to connect,mask turned sweaty and watching my wonderful wife smile made me fear for the worst.
“Did you eat that Salt lamp again,I enquired politely
“No,I was suddenly curious to try gardening,went to balcony to stretch my hands and plant a new sapling when my unaware hand pushed an innocent flower pot down to the earth” she replied without an air of regret.
And the adventure continues,sapling was planted back on terrace and I tried my luck again with bluetooth device, my misty mask and my wonderful wife.
*hear a loud noise
“Did you drop that salt lamp ?”,I rambled with terror in my eyes.