Confessions of a government employee

Please note: All characters in this story are fictitious and any resemblance to real life is purely coincidental

Day 1, Scene 1: Entering the main gate of a Fortune 500 company(Former)

Me: Where is the HR office?

Weirdstoner(Security folk)[in a rude way]: who do you want to meet?

Me(far too polite tone): Mr. Arrogant Sir(Name of the HR guy), I am a new joinee

Weirdstoner: Let me check your papers first

Me(obedient tone): Okay,sure

After 30 minutes of interrogation, he allowed me inside the gate.

Scene 2: Inside the admin building

Me: Where is Mr.Arrogant`s office?

Another stoner: Are you new?He may not have arrived yet.You can wait in the other room(showed me the direction)

Me: Thank you

In that room, I met few more terrified souls like me waiting for the joining formalities, rather waiting for Mr. Arrogant

Fearfulguy(FG1): I have heard that most of the new guys get posted in field duty

FG2(In not so jovial mood): Yes he is right, I have even heard that canteen is really pathetic.

FG3(in an anxious tone): Have you got the document notarized?

Me(Breathing heavily): When will Mr. Arrogant arrive?

FG4: Don’t be too optimistic, this is a government office, it’s as silent as a cemetery till 11:30 am.

Me(Feeling disappointed): I always had this false image that human resource department is energetic, compassionate and super smart.

FG1(in a sarcastic tone): Not in Sarkari(Government) office bro.

We all introduced each other and shared our anxiety for 2 hours.Mr. Arrogant finally arrived at noon.

Weirdstonernew(Clerk): Who is Mr. Sincere(or stupid as they call such folks here)?Come with your papers.

Hearing my name, I quickly picked up my papers and ran towards his office

Mr.Arrogant: Sit Down

Me: Where? there is no chair?

Mr.Arrogant: Weirdstoner, get a chair from the other room

Me: It’s okay, I can stand

After asking me some weird details about myself, my hometown and education, He inaccurately filled in my bio data in the system.He didn’t even spare my name.

Me(in my mind): This project of giving job to land affected people is a total failure

After further stupid interrogations, he asked me to bring some more documents(which was not at all mentioned in the joining formality)

I said to myself: Welcome to government office(Now I can empathize with Pankaj Kapoor(Office Office-Hindi TV series))

Similar incidents occurred with my fellow colleagues, some were interrogated for their name, others for their language and various other weird stuff)

Finally, after a week of continuous torture by semi literate Mr.Arrogant, We were assigned our departments.

To my surprise, I was posted in field duty(I was the thinnest and youngest in the group)

Scene 3: In front of Department In charge`s Room

Me: May I come in sir?

Mr. Unpleasant(Not so polite tone): Yes

Mr. Unpleasant(in a coarse tone): Take a chair

Me: okay sir

Mr. Unpleasant: Are you a mechanical or chemical engineer?

Me(in a nervous tone): Mechanical Engineer

Mr. Unpleasant(false ego boosting question): Have you seen compressors and pump in real?

Me(nervously): only models (We all know the Indian engineering scenario)

Mr. Unpleasant(in a cunning tone): Do you know this plant is unsafe and you could die here

Me( in a nervous tone): No, Ah yes, I mean we need to work carefully

Mr. Unpleasant: Any previous experience?

Me(confidently): I used to design sub sea pipelines in my previous organization

Mr. Unpleasant(sarcastic tone): So you know a lot about this industry.

After grilling me for 3 more hours he allowed to have subsidized lunch in the canteen(Which was of course woeful).

Scene 4: After Lunch, again entered the danger room of that old unpleasant guy(In Charge of department)

Me: May I come in sir?

Mr. Unpleasant: Yes, sit down.I have some more questions for you and then we will visit the field.

Me: Okay sir

Mr. Unpleasant(in a devilish tone): Do you know how we design columns?

Me(in a nervous voice): No, sir

Mr. Unpleasant: Get a helmet from the ground floor.Let’s go to the field

Me(in a sincere tone): Okay, sir

Scene 5: Me (with Helmet) walking alongside Mr. Unpleasant

Some obnoxious smell was coming from the area we were heading to.

Me(in a polite tone): What is this smell, sir?

Mr. Unpleasant(In a sarcastic tone): Do you know what is the difference between yellow line and blue line(pipeline he was referring to)

Me(in my mind):[I had only heard those terms in a Delhi metro]: No, sir

Mr. Unpleasant: Come, let me show you something

Me: Okay, sir

We reached a place where the smell intensified and out of nowhere emerged a Young Man covered in Mud wearing a weird orange suit.He didn’t look too happy.

Mr. Unpleasant: Young Man, Tell him what is happening here?

Youngman: Unit has been shutdown for maintenance and we are cleaning columns and exchangers

Me(in my mind): Is this suppose to be the job of an engineer.An engineer is supposed to design, create, modify and solve problems.

Mr. Unpleasant(Proudly)[refering again to the smell]: This obnoxious smell can kill you if you inhale a certain concentration for few minutes.

Me(unapologetically): Why do we allow them to release in the atmosphere then?

Mr. Unpleasant(Not too impressed): Come back tomorrow morning, We will discuss in details

Me: But tomorrow is holiday sir

Mr. Unpleasant(Angrily): Did I tell you?

Me(apologetically): No sir

Thus began my funny, challenging yet adventurous journey in this field of oil and gas.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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